words left unsaid..

while walking down the street..i couldn't help but think what could happen next..as i go near the place..i could hear your voice..1 step..2 steps..3 steps..i finally reach the place..should i go in? or should i just walk away instead?..am i doing the right thing..or am i just hurting myself all over again?..but i decide to go in..i don't want to think about the "what if's" anymore..so as i walk inside the place..i hear your voice..but i couldn't see you..i sit on the chair..trying not to look around..because i don't know what i'll do if i see you..then finally i look up..and find myself in front of you..i couldn't believe that your back..as i watch you perform..everything came back..it was like seeing you for the very first time..i wanted to cry..i wanted to run away..but i choose to stay..after the 1st set..you came to me..and hugged me so tight..without saying anything else..i couldn't believe you were actually by my side after almost a year of not seeing you..i couldn't even look at you..because i know i will start to cry..i just know the tears won't stop..but i kept thinking that this might be the last time for me to be with you again..so i decided to stay..stay with you at that very moment..without thinking of anything else..

we talked for a while..you told me everything that has happpened..that's just what i needed..to finally know what's been going on..why did you leave me hanging.?.why did you leave without saying goodbye?..you left me without a clue not knowing where i went wrong..i waited for how many months..just to get the answers that keep bugging me for the past 9 months..but still everything's vague..i still can't understand why all this is happening to us..when will this all end?when will i finally be happy?..when will it be my turn?..when will i finally own your heart?..when will there only be ME in your heart?..i couldn't even ask you these questions..i couldn't even tell you everything that has happened to me when you left..i just stayed quiet and listened to whatever you had to say..holding back my tears..and gathering all my strength..just to hide the pain i feel inside..and to show you that i am fine and everything's gonna be alright..you don't have to think about me anymore..all i want is your happiness..seeing you happy..is enough for me..i don't wanna see you blaming yourself for everything that has happened..and i don't want you to ever think that i am mad at you..because after all that has happened..i never hated you..i loved you even more..yeah i know it sounds stupid and all..but that's just how it goes..i guess..

you told me you still love me..i asked you to stop saying that..because it hurts even more..i thought when i would hear those words again..i would be happy..well of course i'm happy..but i keep holding back..will i be in this kind of position again?will i keep torturing my heart?all because of you?..YES..i will!..

you couldn't believe that i waited for you..well, i couldn't believe myself..i've never done this to anyone else..i guess i just loved you TOO much..that i'm willing to wait..as long as i can..i'll fight 'til the end..no matter what happens..just ask me to stay..and i will..just don't ever ask me to let go..because i know i can't..just let me stay..


-JJGH-